Train up a child

I don't care if my child ends up being a straight A student (it'd be nice, but it doesn't really matter). I don't care if he knows how to read before he gets to first grade. I don't care if he even knows all of his colors. All of that will come and will be what it is.

Playing and building character is exhausting. I'm exhausted.

That's all there is to it. When you are working to create a life of exploration through play, and art, and books it's exhausting. But what might be really getting to me is staying strong to always follow through with the consequences I've outlined. It's simply exhausting.

I know, I know, joy in the journey. I find that a lot of the time. I smile at my cute naked kids in the tub playing and splashing together. And I grin check to check as I can induce laughter from tickles. And I'm tickled by the cute things a toddler can say.

But the truth is I am hoping there is some payback for my hard work. Some payback for being patient and disciplining my child for dumping his breakfast bowl and over-priced goat milk on to the floor again for the the umpteenth time. Some payback for keeping my cool when I'm getting kicked and whined at just because I'm hauling off a child to change a poopy diaper (trust me kid, I don't want to be changing it either!) I am just praying that all of my diligence and repetition:

"Use your words"
"Tell my why you're upset"
"Are you mad because . . . ?"
"Mommy doesn't respond to whining, how do you ask nicely?"
"Say thank you"
"We don't [hit, throw that at, dump it on, feed that to, step on] sister"
"That was wrong, because you ignored what mommy asked"
"Uh, oh. Jeremy's not listening"

I am hoping all this will have its payback. That it will somehow yield a respectful and responsible child, who uses his manners, and can communicate his feelings in healthy ways, and is obedient to his parents.

I am praying that each little moment of repetition, each moment of patience, each moment of consistency will somehow and in some way pay off. Please may this be like my piggy bank and with each moment I diligently deposit let there be a return in my investment.

Yet I fear. I fear, Am I doing this the right way? Am I expecting too much? Too little? Have I been inconsistent? Is this one my fault because I kept him up too late/didn't feed him soon enough? Haven't been giving enough attention? 

Sigh.

So I pray. I pray in the morning. I pray in my heart. And I pray in the moment.

Please, God, please help me know how to teach my children obedience. If they can learn to be obedient to their earthly parents, maybe, just maybe, they can learn to be obedient to Thee as well. If they can respect others then perhaps they can respect things grander than themselves . . . respect things of grandeur -- sacred things and noble things. Things of God and Country. 

So I pray a mother's prayer. I pray that teaching to not throw a cereal bowl and spoon or step on books is more, so much more, than just that.

Confirmation of our need for routine

I had been prayerful about what I need to do to help my family right now and one word came to my mind

ROUTINE

For whatever reason we haven't had great daytime/wake time routines. We have bedtime routines and naptime routines and even silly little routines about where the sauerkraut gets placed on Jeremy's highchair tray (yes my son eats and even likes sauerkraut). I'm not very good at routines. I don't even really have my own morning routine or maybe I will for a while and then it will fade. I'm even so inconsistent about things that my handwriting changes within a page  a sentence no even within a word. So you can see why it might be hard for me to have regular routines. And perhaps something about moving twice, dealing with allergies, sorting out depression, getting robbed, used-car hunting, being pregnant while moving across the country, and having a baby (among other things) has kept our days pretty filled with generally uncommon activities.

But we're coming up on two years of motherhood in action and I definitely have a toddler on my hands. I know structure allows children, well really people in general, but particularly young children to thrive. It's been on my mind and I've been wanting to be more of a proactive and not reactive parent, but I just hadn't made it a priority, but I really wanted to take our family life to a level beyond just survival, eating, and diapers. Even if that is A LOT of our day I felt in my heart that there must be a way to give my children more. Not that life isn't good and we are indeed surviving (I am dumbfounded at how many times I've gotten dinner on the table with two children!) And there are calm tender moments of brother insisting on holding Clara (even if she cries), and laughter, and books, but there also seems to be much more chaos than what I think is necessary.

So as I am reading about structure and schedules for toddlers in my free time in the middle of the night while I'm nursing, it's reaffirmed that discipline problems and acting out occur more when there is lack of structure.

And it was this moment today...

I turn my back and my son has pulled the finger-painting that my husband and I made on the 4th of July off the fridge and is tearing it in to little shreds.

And this one ...

My son walks in to the kitchen bringing I don't know what to me saying "no no." As I discover he has ripped out the lining of one of my high heals.

And this one ...

I am trying to fix dinner and Jeremy is literally tugging on my apron and whining "Mamma, mamma."

And this one ...

I am trying to feed and clean one child while another is wailing in the other room because it is also time for her to be fed.

These moments made my realize something really had to change. I had read about structure and it was time to not delay. So I spent at least an hour this evening making a daily schedule for our family. One that will hopefully align everyone's needs (mine included) of eating and needing to be put down for a naps not happening at the same time. And this schedule has more structured activities and independent play time so I can be more involved and catch a break all at the same time.

Ah! This is crazy and overwhelming, but I'm convinced we can find improvement. Even if we don't stick to this schedule I know I'm on the right path.

Here's one of the articles about structure I turned to as guidance when I knew I needed more routine. Used this example and this other mom's schedule as guides for making our first rough draft.



Check out: 
Our first day with structure/schedule