Be Yourself: Be Your Best Self

I don't claim to have it all figured out, although I'm afraid in some situations I put off that vibe. Just because I can show up to church with my hair in near perfect curls (or at least I used to) and my accessories totally matching or my living room can be spotless upon a visitor's arrival, I think people just might think I have it "put together."  . . . Or maybe no one thinks that I've got it put together after all --especially if they really know me. And now that I think about it, I really don't know what anyone thinks . . . and I guess that's the funny thing about life and about deciding to blog about it. People are going to think something of me and I'll never really know what that is or be able to control it.

 But what or rather who is the me that I decide to put out there?

I guess, even though, I'm twenty-something I'm still trying to figure out who me is. And the funny thing about that is that a person is ever changing. I can really be whoever I want to be!  Or at least become who I want to be.

So even though I think this blogger Angie is hilarious to boot in her matter of fact way of putting things, and the 71toes blogger  (I don't even know her name) is remarkable at sharing her deliberate parenting with real life ups and downs yet ever so positive tone --I am not either of them or any other blogger or person for that matter.

I'm ME.

So who is me? Well I'm still figuring that out.

Some days I'm a little depressed.
Some days I am truly happy.
Some days I am grateful.
Some days I am judgmental.
Some days I am humble.
Some days I am full of laughter.
Some days I am bossy and stubborn.
Some days I am open-minded.
Some days I am not.
Some days I'm kind of witty.
Some days I am organized.
Most days I am not.
Some days I am satisfied with who I am ... some days.
Some days I am empathetic.
Some days I am a good listener.
Some days I am prepared.
Some days I am indecisive.
Some days I know just what I want.

I'm a lot of things. And I guess that is what makes me great. It's what makes all of us great.

When I was running for Miss Sandy I came across a little home decor tile (those things were all the rage in 2007!) that really resonated with me. I had been feeling like I had to fit some mold to qualify for the city royalty. So I think I tried to be that . . . for a while. And then I realized that that wasn't true. So during those days and weeks that I was preparing for the pageant this little home decor item with it's inspirational saying went up as decor in our little apartment (I realize I didn't even ask my roommates, I just put it up, sometimes I guess my bossiness is subtle like that). I digress! This was my reminder, my motto, my commitment to being ME.

and just in case pictures aren't loading for you

In A World Where You Can Be Anything

BE YOURSELF  

And if I were to change anything about that saying it might be to be your BEST self. (You know, without the subtle bossiness, or temper, or whatever follies you're working to overcome).

One little fact about that Miss Sandy pageant is that even though I came away with a crown for 2nd attendant, that wasn't my most proud accomplishment. It was winning what would be considered the "Miss Congeniality" award or the "Contestants' Choice Award." I was so touched and honored that the other girls voted for me. I hadn't anticipated winning this award at all, but I think it shows what one of my greatest attributes is:

LOVE

I genuinely love and admire other people. I think the girls felt that. I think even though I may not always be the best at conveying my love or being friends (distance and time time-management seem to be great enemies in that department!) that fact is that I look up to you and admire qualities you have. If  I know you, I love you. This is true for so many people: people I went to school with, people I danced with or cheered with or sang with, people I worked with, people I met randomly, family, friends of friends, people from my birth class, hair stylists, store employees, roommates. 

So in this world of self-publishing, I am sure I'll say something that will probably offend (even though that's not my intent), something that may not be true to myself or true to the best self I'm trying to be, and some things that may not be the tone I'm actually trying to relay. But the truth is I'm learning, I'm trying to improve, and I have a big heart. 

I hope I can do better in my day-to-day life of not only feeling love for others but showing it too. 

So I move forward with a renewed commitment to 

Be My Best Self 

and to 

Show Love

*****

What do you think? Do you feel like you can be yourself? Do you feel like you're your best self?

Therapy and the taboo of "mental health"

This week I started therapy and I'm not afraid to talk about it. 

This is probably the best thing that's happened in my life for a while. And just as some women I know who are advocates for it, I think, even just after one session, I too would recommend it to everyone.

So what's my "problem?" you're wondering. Well you see, that's just what we're going to talk about. Why you think I have some serious or particular "problem" just because I have sought out therapy. And maybe I do, but that's beside the point. Professional therapy and counseling has the issue with being taboo to talk about (just like stillbirth and death and I'm sure many other sensitive topics) and perhaps that keeps it from being utilized.

Therapy being Taboo

Not Seeing the Whole Picture

In this social media, post-pictures-of-your-best-self driven world, we're all so caught up in sharing the good and highlights of our lives. Although I'm all about focusing on the good, this gives us a pretty incomplete picture of real life. While I don't think that social media should be an outlet for constant straight-up complaining (that's a sure-fire way to get tagged for not showing up in people's newsfeeds!) I think we might be more apt to talk about things if we realized that people we know are going through similar situations. Perhaps a reason why it's so important to get off the internet and make a phone call or go to lunch with someone and focus on real-life relationships.

Falsely Depicted

Many of us are only exposed to life events through the media so this is how we create our understanding of these things. Which makes sense to some degree, but again, it's not the whole picture, or in fact a very false picture. It wasn't until I started reading that I learned birth and pregnancy could be accomplished without pain medications in spite of what I "knew" about it from watching Father of the Bride, Part II as a kid. Same goes with therapy and counseling. Maybe your only exposure to psychology is from The Sixth Sense or something more lighthearted like What About Bob? It may or may not be like it's depicted, but without talking to real people or experiencing it yourself you don't know what it's going to be like. 

Correlated with Extreme Cases

If you're like me, the words "mental health" alone start bringing to mind extreme cases of mental health. People that are "crazy" or suffering from extreme disorders are the ones who need help and "That's not me, so I don't need help," we tell ourselves. "My marriage isn't failing, so I don't need help. I'm not suicidal, so I don't need help." Well, my friends, I think that's part of the misconception. We don't need to be at the cliffs edge before we need help. And that's a conversation I am so glad one of my best friends who is studying to be a marriage and family therapist had with me.

Why I Liked It

Many people are aware of the things they should be doing to enable us to be happy or have successful and fulfilling relationships. Or maybe people aren't aware.  Either way sometimes it's hard to see the forest through the trees, and a therapist can offer that new perspective. Not only the new perspective, but an unbiased, un-involved perspective based on sound principles. This is help that a best friend or confidant can't offer, but a professional can.

I feel like I am often self-aware of many things happening in my life, but having the help of a professional can bring new light and understanding and guidance to a situation that you might just not see or solutions you might not have thought of. That happened for me on my first session! I was fortunate to find a woman on the first try who seems to be a good fit. I felt at home just stepping in to her office, because of how it was decorated. Maybe that's not important, but for me it made a difference. And by the time I left her office I wanted to hug her for listening to me and helping me find the first steps I need to take to be a happier, healthier person!

A  Word of Advice

I wondered, before I started, how I would know if I had found someone that was a good fit or not. Especially because I may not have "clicked" with him or her on the first session. My friend I mentioned above advised to give it at least four sessions and if it's not working after that to perhaps find someone else. My therapist even asked me after our first session together if she thought we'd be a good fit and thankfully she was! I hate trying to find new providers of healthcare!

Update: A dear friend of mine was able to share her experience with therapy and how it actually turned out to not be the best thing for her and her family. Yet she was able to turn to God for healing. I love hearing others' perspectives, experiences, and insights. I am so touched to be able share with and know such wonderful people.